A roller coaster of emotions

Today can only be described as a punch to the gut that we saw coming, yet still knocked the wind out of us! Let me back up, in early February, after months of a roller coaster of emotions, we were matched with a birthmom in Ohio. Things started well and the relationship grew. Mid-February we made the trip out to Ohio to meet this brithmom in person. This meeting was the most awkward meeting of our life. What do you say to someone who is considering placing their child in your arms. Somehow, we made it through the weekend and things seemed to go well.  We continued to talk with the birthmom and even started to line up lawyers for the adoption. It seemed like this might finally be the right connection.  As time went on we could see a few posts from this birthmom that indicated she may be having second thoughts as the due date drew near. We were honest with the birthmom, telling her it seemed to us that she was unsure about her decision. She shared with us that she was unsure at that point. Our roller coaster of emotions continued. During this time we continued to be there for and share ourselves with this birthmom. Just when we were beginning to give up hope, she sent us a message saying "I made my decision" and "congratulations you guys." We were over the moon, the birthmom had taken the step to set up an appointment with the lawyer to get the paperwork started. Around the same time we learned that she was going to be induced a week early, March 19.  The week leading up to induction day flew by in a hurry. On Saturday, we hit the road for Ohio hopeful that in a week to a month we would return home with our son. Sunday afternoon as we were pulling into Ohio, the birthmother called us and asked if we would like to meet her for dinner. Of course, we were happy to meet her anywhere she wished. Dinner that Sunday went as well as we could have asked for. The birthmom was sharing with us that if this child was anything like her, we were going to have our hands full.  As dinner came to an end we made plans to meet her at the hospital on Monday for the induction.  Then came the phone call at noon on Monday. The birthmom called and told us that a "situation" had come up, she then shared that her mom was going to keep the baby and therefore the adoption was off.  Insert the punch to the gut. For the past few weeks we knew that the birthmom was waffling in her decision, and we knew going into this that nothing was certain, yet hearing officially that the adoption was off at the last minute took our breath away. 

In the middle of these emotions, on March 10, we hit our two year mark with our adoption agency. Our original contract we signed was for two years with the agency, so now what? Luckily our agency extended our contract through the end of May to match the date our homestudy is good through. But, this still leaved the date of May 31 lingering in the back our of mind. We do not know what will happen then, but know that whatever it is, we will get through it together. 

Now we have the task of going back to real life, without a baby to bring home. We do continue to have hope that our birthmom and child are out there, we just wish that we knew when they would come into our lives. For now, we are taking our time heading home, taking a few days for the two of us. Please understand if we do not get back to all of your messages. We know that you are sharing in our grief and wanting to love us, and we appreciate it. At this time we have to figure out how to grieve and still continue to move forward. When we updated our adoption agency, they asked if we would like to take a break before being shown to potential brithmoms.  Our answer was no, we want to continue to put ourselves out there, even knowing that this will require us to be vulnerable with our hearts again. Please continue to pray for us and for all of the moms out there that are contemplating placing their child for adoption. 

Love, 
Steve and Annie 

Its been a while....

Apparently its been a while since our last update. Last May we were hitting the one year mark of our profile being given to potential birth-moms. Over the summer things just progressed without any big news. Our profile was still being requested and sent out monthly, but nothing seemed to be coming our way.  Late in the summer a few friends came to us with potential adoption situations through their acquaintances. Although none of these situations worked out, we are grateful to our friends and family who thought of us and gave our information to these women considering adoption. Last fall, we began to have some interest in getting to know us more. We were given contact information for a few birth moms.  Once the agency passed their information onto us, it was in our court to reach out to these moms, introduce ourselves and see if we could get to know them more.  The first birth-mom e-mailed back and forth with us for a few days and then all communication from her ceased. The second birth-mom never replied to our first attempt at communication. The third birth-mom we contacted through the agency seemed to hold some promise. We talked to her on the phone once and even set up a time to meet her in person. Unfortunately when we arrived at the destination to meet her she did not show up and we have not heard from her since.  At this point, shortly before Christmas, our hearts were broken. We were feeling pretty defeated, why was it that all of these women were interested in our profile but then would disappear into thin air on us. 

A good friend of ours asked us how we guard our hearts during this process.  This questions has created a lot of discussion in our home. We were struggling with this exact situation. As we are introduced to these women, we are also exposed to their stories of how and what lead them to looking for an adoptive family for their child. Some of these stories were tough to hear. We both found ourselves taking on the pain and emotional suffering of these women, with little we could do to help except offer to listen. This vulnerability left us exposed and heartbroken with each of these potential adoption situations that were not meant to be. Our focus now is to remain hopeful and cautiously optimistic with any situations that are presented to us. 

Coming up on our two year mark with the agency, we both never thought it would take this long.  We continue to pray for the birth mom and child that will one day be a blessing in our home.  We have hope that our time is coming soon. Although the agency fee has been paid, we are still expecting significant expenses for lawyer and finalization fees when our time comes. If through your prayers, you feel called to assist us financially, we would be forever grateful.  We have a compassionate crowdfunding site set up at youcaring.com under Grass Family Adoption or feel free to contact us directly.  

Love, 
Steve & Annie
                               

Hopefully soon...

Another update for all of you....

We have officially hit the one year mark of being shown to potential birth moms and we are still waiting.  We up to 70+ birth moms that have been shown our profile and we hope and pray they choose to give their baby life, and that one of them will pick us.  So what our our next steps...

We are in the process of renewing our home study (they are only good for 1 year), the agency has updated our profile with new pictures and some verbiage changes to show the changes that have happened in the last year within our family and we continue to wait. There isn't much more than play waiting game that we can do.

As we have passed the year mark, it gets a little harder to wait.  Both of us thought we would have a little one or little ones (as Annie's parents keep saying) in our home.  We know that God has a plan for our family and it is in His hands.

We continue to ask for your prayers and support.  We are in this for the long haul and we do feel your support.  If you know of anyone that is thinking about adoption, please pass our name and Adoption Profile along to them.  Like the title says, hopefully soon...

Blessings,

Steve and Annie

Patience is a virtue...and not an easy one!

     We know that these updates have gotten to be further and further apart.  Partially, because we do not have a big exciting update, and partially because we hope that by waiting a little longer each time we will finally have big exciting news to share with you all.  Right now, there is no big exciting news.  We have been with the agency for over a year and our profile will have been up a year in May.  Every month our profile continues to go out to roughly 10 new potential birthmoms.  However, apparently the time has not yet come for us to connect with our baby.  (According to Annie's parents, it is because we are going to get twins and they have not come along yet!)  So at this point we continue to wait (mostly patiently) and pray for all the women who are looking at adoption for this child, and praying for the child (or children) that will be welcomed into our family. 
     In January we were contacted with information on a birthmom who was interested in us.  We spoke with her for a few days, but ultimately she decided that adoption was not right for her child.  That week we experienced a lot of emotions, the joy of a potential connection and the sorrow of knowing that this situation was not the one intended for us.  We have persevered with prayer, prayer for our family, and prayer for this young mom and her new baby, that they will be happy and healthy.     
     A year ago when we began this adventure, we never really thought that we would be a year out without a connection.  Truly, we thought this process would move a little quicker.  This year has proven once again that we are not in control, and we need to put our trust in God.  So now, we continue to practice the virtue of patience, as tough as it is.  At this point we need to renew our homestudy for another year and continue to be ready to jump when our phone rings.  Thank you for all of your ongoing prayers and support.  If you would like to contribute financially to our adoption, please visit our youcaring.org site.  

     Advent is a season of waiting for the birth of Christ.  It is also a time of preparing our hearts for the Christ child.  A time of determining what in our life needs to change in order to give ourselves more fully to Christ.  This Advent has had a special meaning to us as we wait for our child to be welcomed into our home.  We know that at the end of the waiting, the reward will be unbelievable!  And this time of waiting is preparing our hearts for the changes that are to come when our baby is in our arms. 
     During this time of Advent, I cannot help but think of Mary and the challenges that she went through being an unwed mother.  2000 years later, many women are facing similar challenges.  Many of our friends and family have inquired about what birthmother support entails.  No, we are not buying a baby or giving a birthmother cash.  But, we are here to help and support her.  We believe that all life is sacred, this includes the life of the birthmother.  The support that we offer the birthmother allows her basic needs to be met.  When the mothers come to the agency, the staff does a wonderful job assessing the needs of the mother.  A birthmother may be in need of a safe place to live, and she may have the means to pay monthly rent.  However, saving up the necessary first and last months rent may prove very difficult and may keep her from obtaining a safe place to live.  Our role is to assist the mother in caring for herself.  This may come in the form of providing the financial means to put down that deposit on the apartment.  Whatever the needs that come forward, we desire to show the birthmother that her life has dignity and she is deserving of support.  A portion of the funds that we are raising is dedicated to supporting the birthmother as needed.  Your generosity gives us the ability to show the birthmother that she is worth the gifts we can share with her.     
     Our profile is has now been sent to a total of 25 potential birthmothers.  We hope and pray that one of these birthmoms decides we are the family for her.  We pray that these (and all) birthmothers find hope and support in the challenges they are facing with their pregnancy.  We continue to pray for all of our supporters, please know of our appreciation and gratitude.  May peace be with you all as we wait in hope for our miracle baby.
Steve & Annie     

     Somehow summer flew by and fall is now upon us.  Over the summer, our adoption profile was viewed more than 200 times online and was given to 12 potential birthmothers.  Unfortunately, we do not get to know if these birthmothers ended up choosing adoption, choosing another agency, or another family.  What we do know is that we are praying for all of these birthmothers, we pray that they will have the grace and strength to make whatever decision is best for their baby.  We still pray multiple times a day for our baby, that God will protect them and bring them into our life quickly! 

     At this point in the process, if a birthmother selects us, our agency will contact us to begin the communication process with the birthmother.  This could happen very early in a pregnancy or as the mother is going into labor.  The birthmother could also be anywhere in the continental US, meaning we will pack up and drive!  Whatever the timing is and wherever we are called to go, we are ready!  We cannot wait to arrive at the hospital and look into the eyes of our little one for the first time. 

     We are holding all of you in prayer as we wait for our baby, please continue to pray for us. 

Steve & Annie



Still Waiting...

Well... We are still in the waiting game.   Our profile has been up for a couple months now and it has been viewed many times.  It has also been sent to some potential birth-moms.  Birth-moms can hold onto profiles for months before making their final decision.

We have slowly started putting a baby room together.  We don't know how long our waiting is going to be, but we are very hopeful that the right birth mom will be guided to us.

Thank you again for all your support and prayers.


Steve and Annie