Today can only be described as a punch to the gut that we saw coming, yet still knocked the wind out of us! Let me back up, in early February, after months of a roller coaster of emotions, we were matched with a birthmom in Ohio. Things started well and the relationship grew. Mid-February we made the trip out to Ohio to meet this brithmom in person. This meeting was the most awkward meeting of our life. What do you say to someone who is considering placing their child in your arms. Somehow, we made it through the weekend and things seemed to go well. We continued to talk with the birthmom and even started to line up lawyers for the adoption. It seemed like this might finally be the right connection. As time went on we could see a few posts from this birthmom that indicated she may be having second thoughts as the due date drew near. We were honest with the birthmom, telling her it seemed to us that she was unsure about her decision. She shared with us that she was unsure at that point. Our roller coaster of emotions continued. During this time we continued to be there for and share ourselves with this birthmom. Just when we were beginning to give up hope, she sent us a message saying "I made my decision" and "congratulations you guys." We were over the moon, the birthmom had taken the step to set up an appointment with the lawyer to get the paperwork started. Around the same time we learned that she was going to be induced a week early, March 19. The week leading up to induction day flew by in a hurry. On Saturday, we hit the road for Ohio hopeful that in a week to a month we would return home with our son. Sunday afternoon as we were pulling into Ohio, the birthmother called us and asked if we would like to meet her for dinner. Of course, we were happy to meet her anywhere she wished. Dinner that Sunday went as well as we could have asked for. The birthmom was sharing with us that if this child was anything like her, we were going to have our hands full. As dinner came to an end we made plans to meet her at the hospital on Monday for the induction. Then came the phone call at noon on Monday. The birthmom called and told us that a "situation" had come up, she then shared that her mom was going to keep the baby and therefore the adoption was off. Insert the punch to the gut. For the past few weeks we knew that the birthmom was waffling in her decision, and we knew going into this that nothing was certain, yet hearing officially that the adoption was off at the last minute took our breath away.
In the middle of these emotions, on March 10, we hit our two year mark with our adoption agency. Our original contract we signed was for two years with the agency, so now what? Luckily our agency extended our contract through the end of May to match the date our homestudy is good through. But, this still leaved the date of May 31 lingering in the back our of mind. We do not know what will happen then, but know that whatever it is, we will get through it together.
Now we have the task of going back to real life, without a baby to bring home. We do continue to have hope that our birthmom and child are out there, we just wish that we knew when they would come into our lives. For now, we are taking our time heading home, taking a few days for the two of us. Please understand if we do not get back to all of your messages. We know that you are sharing in our grief and wanting to love us, and we appreciate it. At this time we have to figure out how to grieve and still continue to move forward. When we updated our adoption agency, they asked if we would like to take a break before being shown to potential brithmoms. Our answer was no, we want to continue to put ourselves out there, even knowing that this will require us to be vulnerable with our hearts again. Please continue to pray for us and for all of the moms out there that are contemplating placing their child for adoption.
Love,
Steve and Annie
